Big Time Drama in the Adjoining Cubicle

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

In Other News...

9:26 AM: Unrelated but relevant...

Penis reattached after being flushed down toilet

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - Surgeons reattached a man's penis over the weekend after his girlfriend, apparently upset over a pending breakup, cut it off with a kitchen knife, Anchorage police said Sunday. A city wastewater utility worker recovered the penis from a toilet down which the woman had flushed it. It was rushed to Providence Alaska Medical Center, where doctors performed reattachment surgery early Sunday morning, according to police reports.

Email Interlude

9:20 AM: Outlook says I have new email

He is tripping about that other guy now when before he said he didn't
care
______________________________________________
From: Me
Sent: Tuesday, February 22, 2005 8:57 AM
To: Her
Subject:
If he's distancing himself from you before he leaves,
why don't you tie him down and cut off his...

Aftershave and... What???

9:14 AM: Speak up over there! I could have sworn I just heard the following above the din of the typewriter. "If you're just a phone call to me, Michael, why did I buy you all that stuff? Why did I get you the aftershave and the sex toys?"

Interupted by Luddites

9:04 AM: Damn it, someone is using the typewriter (who uses a typewriter anymore anyway?). I can't overhear a thing over all that clicking and beeping--I'll probably end up missing the best fight of the year.

Train Wreck

9:01 AM: She's about 30 seconds from professing her undying love. This from a "single girl" who "never wants to be tied down". Maybe he'll profess it right back. That would throw her! She'd have to squirm for at least 45 seconds before she figured out a way to take it back and dump him.

Someone is Broken Hearted

8:58 AM: Phone activity commenced about 20 minutes ago. It's hushed and serious. The less gullible of the boyfriends seems to be leaving state, and my cube-mate wants him to stay. This could have serious consequences for my morning telephonic amusement.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Days Like This

1:19 PM - My cube-mate has been absent for the last couple of days. Thank God she's back, because I was starting to miss little zingers like this:

"No, Mama said she gave him a lapdance."

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Cease Fire

9:47 AM - Hostilities terminate.

Email Intermission

Meanwhile...
(You have to start at the bottom and scroll up for authenticity's sake.)
From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:28 AM
To:
Her
Subject: RE:
Tell him you have to get off the phone because you feel
like sleeping with one of your coworkers now, but you'll call him back in a bit
and ask him to buy you things.

-----Original
Message-----
From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:20
AM
To: Her
Subject: RE:

So let me get this straight... You
screw around on him, rub it in his face, lie to him about it, then when he gets
paranoid you tell him he has issues?

-----Original
Message-----
From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:09
AM
To: Her
Subject: RE:

Nope. Not good enough.
Sorry.

Gonna have to pipe your conversations onto the PA system
now.


-----Original Message-----
From:
Her
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:08 AM
To:
Me
Subject: RE:

I'll let you buy me
breakfast

_____________________________________________
From:
Me
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:08 AM
To:
Her
Subject: RE:

Yeah, we'll have to listen to those too.
Sorry. I might change my mind if you go get
breakfast.

-----Original Message-----
From:
Her
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:06 AM
To:
Me
Subject: RE:

That would be fine but I do have other
conversations

_____________________________________________
From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:05 AM
To:
Her
Subject: RE:

I'm going to wire your phone into the building
PA system so all of us can be as entertained as
you.

-----Original Message-----
From: Her
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:05 AM
To: Me
Subject: RE:

I should put him on speakerphone. I think he is mentally ill
or something because I don't know where he comes up with his ideas. Dude
talks all crazy but it can be
entertaining

_____________________________________________
From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:01 AM
To:
Her
Subject: RE:

It's okay. I am jealous of Kim.

I
think if you are going to fight with him at work, the least you could do is put
it on speakerphone.

-----Original Message-----
From:
Her
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:01 AM
To:
Me
Subject: RE:

I'm sure he can get her going to...he is
jealous of my brother?????

_____________________________________________
From:
Me
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:00 AM
To:
Her
Subject:

Get off the phone and go get breakfast. We can get
Christina to argue with your friend for you while you are gone.

The Calm is Broken

8:21 AM - Hostilities erupt.

Morning Report

8:05 AM - I arrive at work. Resident of the adjoining cubicle is already on the phone. Casual survelience indicates she is arguing with the more gullible of her two (or more?) boyfreinds.