Big Time Drama in the Adjoining Cubicle

Friday, April 29, 2005

When in Doubt, Goad.

Almost an hour on the phone now, and nothing but quiet (yet surprisingly unhappy) mumbling. I am completely dissapointed.

-----Original Message-----
From: Me
Sent: Friday, April 29, 2005 12:41 PM
To: Her
Subject: RE:

Because she has 14 little wiener dogs and a starving Internet boyfriend to feed.

-----Original Message-----
From: Her
Sent: Friday, April 29, 2005 12:41 PM
To: Me
Subject: RE:

That might happen. Why do they keep that lady, she can't fix the copier

_____________________________________________

From: Me
Sent: Friday, April 29, 2005 12:40 PM
To: Her
Subject: RE:

I hope so. It's too nice to be sitting inside. I'll probably have to jump out the window if you don't yell at him or slam the phone down soon.

-----Original Message-----
From: Her
Sent: Friday, April 29, 2005 12:40 PM
To:MeSubject: RE:

Shut up. I will get louder in a bit. I'm sure of it

_____________________________________________

From: Me
Sent: Friday, April 29, 2005 12:39 PM
To:Her
Subject:

You need to talk louder. The only happiness I get out of work is listening in on your fights with your little friends.

Dead Calm

So, my little buddy in the next cubicle is sitting there on the phone, but I can't overhear a word she is saying. Maybe she's doing the brokenhearted number again. Maybe she has developed laryngitis. Maybe she has suddenly become the model of modesty and workplace decorum.

Or maybe she is on to me.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Email Redux

Fear and paranoia are abundant on this beautiful spring day.

As always, start from the bottom, and read up, just like this was an email chain forwarded from your own self-important supervisor.

From: Her
Sent: Thursday, April 28, 2005 11:07 AM
To: Me
Subject: RE:

DO YOU THINK SHE’S THE ONE WHO CALLED ME???

-------------------------------------

From: Me
Sent: Thursday, April 28, 2005 10:57 AM
To: Her
Subject: RE:


Maybe she wants you to stay away from her man.


-----Original Message-----
From: Her
Sent: Thursday, April 28, 2005 10:59 AM
To: Me
Subject: RE:


NO SHE JUST DOESN'T LIKE TO HELP ME AND IS PHONY TO MY FACE. I CAN'T REALLY SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THAT BECAUSE I'M PHONY WITH PEOPLE BUT AT LEAST WHEN IT COMES TO MY WORK I DO MY JOB REGARDLESS

--------------------------------------

From: Me
Sent: Thursday, April 28, 2005 10:56 AM
To: Her
Subject: RE:


It's a conspiracy.

-----Original Message-----
From: Her
Sent: Thursday, April 28, 2005 10:45 AM
To: Me
Subject:


So OFFICE DRONE* is the only one who can enable this gl code that I need to use. She is too busy to enable it for me but if I had MANAGER DRONE* with me it is no problem. I would like to know why is that way with me? Any time I go to her to reopen a code she is too busy working but I can walk past her office and see OFFICE DRONE TWO* in there bsing with her right after she gets done telling me she is toooo busy to open a freaking code

* Names deleted to protect... Who am I kidding? The names are deleted to protect me!

Monday, April 25, 2005

Send Me a Fat Woman

Above the din of a controls and processes conference call, I hear this little tidbit float over from the next cubicle:

"...So why did you tell me 'give me some good sex' and send me a fat woman getting dressed?"

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Morning Emails

So, I'm working, minding my own business (and idly wondering why new popes never choose a cool name like Pope Chop or Pope Diddy), when I get attacked with the following email from you know who.

Yes, you have to scroll to the bottom and read up just like a real email exchange, worker bee.



-----Original Message-----
From: Her
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2005 9:27 AM
To: Me
Subject: FW: RE:
I FORGOT TO MENTION SHE ALSO QUIT TAKING THE PILL AND IS STILL HAVING SEX WITH HIM.

CAN YOU REALLY GIVE HAMPSTERS A BATH?

-----Original Message-----
From: Me
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2005 9:23 AM
To: Her
Subject: RE:

Oh, you should do that!!! That's probably the best way to trap him and make him stay up here.

-----Original Message-----
From: Her
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2005 9:24 AM
To: Me
Subject: RE:

SERIOUSLY THOUGH, THIS IS THE SECOND GIRL AND SHE JUST TOLD ME THAT SHE MIGHT WANT TO BE PREGO NOW TOO! HOW MESSED UP IS THAT

-----Original Message-----
From: Me
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2005 9:21 AM
To: Her
Subject: RE:

I'm amazed that Michael sticks with you after all those little gay boys you knocked up.


-----Original Message-----
From: Her
Sent: Tuesday, April
19, 2005 9:22 AM
To: Me
Subject:

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN **NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE IGNORANT** TELLS ME ABOUT HER EX OR WHATEVER HE IS? I DON'T THINK I WOULD BE WITH HIM AGAIN IF HE GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGO

Monday, April 18, 2005

Things You Hear Around the Office

"No, he was snorring so loud it was rocking my bed even with the door closed. Seriously, I'm not sure if my teeth were chattering because of my vibrator, or his snoring ass."

"Uh, uh. I didn't know everybody who was there, but I only did it with like 20 guys."

"No we just hear what you guys say. You don't hear anything we say except.. SHUT UP! I can still talk when i've got a mouthful of THAT."

Monday, April 11, 2005

A Mysterious Phone Call

Something is wrong with my cube mate.

This morning she received a mysterious phone call from a woman telling her to "leave my man alone". She sat in puzzled silence for a moment before hanging up and announcing the phone call. On any other day, there would have been a flurry of activity as she fought with her mystery assailant over this man, who she may, or may not, even know.

But that's not the least of it. This mystery phone call SHOULD have been followed up with angry calls to all her boyfriends, finding out which of their "skanks" are harassing her, and for that matter, trying to weasel out information on just how many skanks they might have, but no... No skanks phone calls, no false accusations, no raised voiced echoing through the halls of corporate America.

I'm disappointed.

Later in the day, there was approximately 24 seconds of not-so-passionate arguing with the more gullible boyfriend, but even that ended with a quick and unconvincing hang-up. No phone slamming. Nothing.

She is so losing her touch.