Big Time Drama in the Adjoining Cubicle

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Questions I can't answer

Cubemate (who else?): "What else is Joseph short for besides Joe?"

The Ass End of an Ox.

The most sensible thing I've ever heard Cubemate say:

"...So Mama said 'I'll cook you your favorite dinner, what do you want?' and my sister says 'Ox tail!'. I'm like who in the hell chooses ox tail? Don't you want to eat something tasty instead of the ass of an ox?"

A picture is worth a thousand words

Overheard early this AM before the caffiene kicked in:

CUBEMATE: Ew! Look at this picture SOME OFFICE GUY. What are they doing?

SOG: I don't know. Is that real?

CUBEMATE: It looks like they're mating!

SOG: Maybe, but where is the other moose's head? Nevermind. I see it.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

You Can Tell its Football Season

9:20 AM: My cubemate returns to her cubicle from parts unknown, sets down her coffee cup, and lets lose with a burp that would make a girl 4 times her size proud. I turn around, but before I can comment, I'm interupted.

"Excuse me! Wow! You know what, Some office guy? That came right out of my mouth. I didn't even try! It's like I'm not even feminine!"

Friday, September 23, 2005

I'm Sure it was Perfectly Innocent.

So I'm sitting here, minding my own business, trying to believe I'm still sane (Dammit, I don't seek the sharks out, they just live in the ocean where perfectly sane people like to dive (and besides, they taste good!)) when what rises out of the deep blue shark infested depths of my cubemate's consciousness but the following announcement?

"You know what? That stuff tastes gross when you get it in your mouth!"

"Excuse me," I say, "can you repeat that?"

"THAT... STUFF... TASTES... GROSS... WHEN... YOU... GET... IT... IN... YOUR... MOUTH!"

Right. Five minutes later, I'm still... nevermind.

The ugly truth about Some Office Guy

The sad, undeniable truth here is the guy is certifiably insane. Nuts. Loopy. Way around the bend.

See, he has this unnatural obsession with sharks. Specifically, DIVING with sharks. No, he can't just be weird and collect pictures of sharks or name his dog "Shark" or anything basically askew like that. HE'S gotta be a lunatic and get right in there and swim around with them. I have made mention on numerous occasions that this is not something a rational human being would do, to which his standard reply is "Sharks never bother me."

Sorry to tell you this, SOG, but did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, they look upon you like a giant Spam hors d'oeuvre? The first couple of diners passing by the buffet line may not like Spam, but eventually someone comes along.................

Question of the Day

Cubemate: Does anyone have any mayonaise at their desk?

Other office guy (who I used to respect): I do, cubemate.

Cubemate: Let's be friends, and share it.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

And he lived!

CUBEMATE: She's pathetic. If her husband is home she gets up in the morning and makes him breakfast. If I'm with a guy and he says he's hungry I point and say "There's the kitchen."

SOME OFFICE GUY: That's why she's married and you're not..........

Hehehe. Ah, guess you had to be here.........

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Not that there's anything wrong with it........

CUBEMATE: I think it would be fun to be a lesbian, except I don't think I could kiss another girl.

At least not one I'm not related to....................

Friday, September 09, 2005

Dinner Bell

In the middle of our huge new billing system rollout and simultaneous corporate reorganization, it only makes sense big topic of conversation around the office yesterday was the following:

If you were stranded in New Orleans without food, but lived near the zoo, would it be looting or foraging to break in and eat one of our little zoo buddies? And more importantly, which animal would you eat?

Other office guy says he'd roast up a penguin.

I'd have to try tapir. Or maybe burmese star toroise.

Another person suggested gorilla, but I hear they are stringy and rather bland.

My cubemate says "I could never kill a living thing just to eat it. I'd have to starve, or find a hamburger somewhere."

So, tell me what's for dinner.