Big Time Drama in the Adjoining Cubicle

Friday, October 21, 2005

The Hatchet Incident

CUBEMATE seems to be very quiet today, indeed hasn't even been at her desk for the last 45 minutes or so. In the interest of fairness I shall now relate my own "Not quite right" moment for your amusement.

A long time ago in a land not very far from here (4 city blocks to be precise) the Ex and I were schlupping along the aisles of the local Fred Meyer. This was pre-Ex days, actually pre-marriage days, so the now-Ex was feeling a bit playfull. Every now and then when I wasn't looking the sneaky minx would reach out and pinch my ass, then giggle at my reactions.

Now, I have never like having my ass pinched, then, now, or ever, but of course you can't show TOO much exasperation towards the woman you are hoping to get a little snuggle time in with later. (and maybe a little sumthin-sumthin extra? wink-wink) So, as we are passing by hardware, I try to keep track of her with my peripheral vision while selecting a shiny new hatchet from a display that had been set up. Putting on my best "psycho-crazed-killer look" I spun in Ex's direction growling "Go ahead! Pinch my butt now!"

It wasn't her.

Standing where I THOUGHT the Ex was supposed to be was a frail, balding little guy with thick glasses and no chin at all to speak of. Truly a classic milquetoast in every sense of the word. Because he was of diminutive stature and wearing the same color shirt as Ex my limited side view couldn't make the distinction until the moment I was brandishing a edged weapon over his head making unsavory demands. The color drained from his face and his lower lip started to quiver spasmodically. Realizing what I had just done, I let out a manly "whups - sorry", dropped the hatchet, and got the hell out of there before I found out first hand just how much bladder control milquetoast really had.

Truly not one of my finer moments.


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