Big Time Drama in the Adjoining Cubicle

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Staying on topic

AUDITOR LIASON: "Cubemate, I need to find these batches and all I have are the payment dates and amounts. Is there anyway you can help me out?"

CUBEMATE: "I'm going to see Brokeback Mountain tonight! It's a love story! Isn't that great?"

Monday, February 27, 2006

New Career Paths

My brain isn't working right this morning. Either cubemate is speaking Greek, or I've lost all ability to comprehend what she is saying. Possibly both, since they're not mutually exclusive.

Either way, 15 minutes of babbling just went right over my head, and the only thing I'm very sure of is that she met an ugly girl this weekend, who might or might not have been stupid and wore hideous shoes, but who did definitely want Cubemate her to quit her job here at BIG COMPANY and go to work at McDonald's, either for the great benefits, tasty fries, or maybe just the chance to trade favors with the previously mentioned Arby's girl.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

A shining moment in Redneck history

4 days and 30 some-odd plus years ago, a small woman living in a one-room cabin somewhere in the Okeephenokee Swamps began feeling labor pains, and roughly 109 hours worth of labor later, OOGS sprang into the world.

And sh*t's been going downhill ever since.

After spending a normal childhood doing normal, childhood things such as huntin' gators, Frog Giggin, and peeing on 'Lectric Fences (although he may have spent just a bit too much time doing the latter), our intrepid hero decided to serve his country and enlisted in the United States Armed Forces.

And Bubbaism went overseas.

After spending some fair amount of time impressing the fair Fraulein's with his impressive knowledge of Brain Tumor's and cable communication's ( or was that "Communicating with his cable"?) OOGS returned to these here United States and located himself in the warm, tropical climate of the North. Sadly, during his time away, Redneck's had become an almost endangered species, so OOGS decided it was time to do the right thing and find himself a mate to perpetuate the species.

Thankfully, the offspring turned out to be a lot better looking than the parents.

And so, we return to the present day, where OOGS is now one more birthday closer to the grave. Happy Birthday, OOGS. I am proud to know ya. May today bring you everything you want.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Lunch Update

"So, Some Office Guy, this girl who used to date my LESBIAN COUSIN hooked me up and gave me an extra thing of curly fries."

The she whispers: "But I'm not going to sleep with her."

Meal Planning

Apparently the supervisor's pet is more fun than I gave her credit for.

SUPERVISOR'S PET: Hey, Cubemate, what are you having for lunch today?

CUBEMATE: Oh my god, I'm goiong downtown to get a Fur Rondy cheesburger, and some popcorn, and a corndog!

SUPERVISOR'S PET: I choked on a corndog last night. I don't think I can eat another corndog.

CUBEMATE: Whatever, you little slut. We both know that wasn't a 'corndog'.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Law and Order

CUBEMATE: "I would love to meet an undercover cop! I would be all like.."Ossifer, I think I need to be searched!""

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Mystery Solved

This morning, both Other Office Guy and myself have been contemplating homicide. Theres laughter, way toooo much laughter, coming from the break room, the SEMI BIG CHEESE'S office, the hallfways, the elevator lobby, the restrooms, everywhere. And not just someone chuckling, but a full on continuous cackle that sounds like machine gun fire and makes you want to duck for cover.

Happiness in the morning sucks my soul.

I wasn't going to investigate the source of all this mirth, for fear of getting two close to the celebrants and being expected to smile, but I have to admit I was curious, and now, thanks to CUBEMATE the mystery has been revealed.


-----Original Message-----
From: Cubemate
Sent: Thursday, February 16, 2006 8:53 AM
To: Some Office Guy
Subject: RE:

MID LEVEL CHEESE IS TELLING EVERYONE. I WOULD GO HOME AND CHANGE MY SHOES IF I WERE HER


From: Some Office Guy
Sent: Thursday, February 16, 2006 8:53 AM
To: Cubemate
Subject: RE:


Is that what all the laughing is about?
-----Original Message-----
From: Cubemate
Sent: Thursday, February 16, 2006 8:52 AM
To: Some Office Guy
Subject:

OLDER TREASURY CLERK IS WEARING ONE BLACK SHOE AND ONE BROWN SHOE.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Someone has been reading the dictionary.

Cubemate: Mmmmm mmm mm. This salad is MAGNIFICENT!

Some Office Guy: Cubemate, I really don't think anything from McDonalds is magnificent.

Cubemate: No, this salad is. Its truly SPLENDID.

Some Office Guy: Did they drip grease on it?

Cubemate: No. I think Wolfgang Puck made it. It tastes like a Puck ENSALADA

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Family Values

CUBEMATE: "It's confirmed, EASY FRIEND is drinking alone tonight."

Some Office Guy: "Sweet! What time do I need to show up to take advantage of that?"

CUBEMATE: "Oh I don't know, I am going out with my Mom and my Convict for dinner tonight, so I won't be there. "

Some Office Guy: "Wow your Mom and your Convict at the same time?"

CUBEMATE: "Oh, yeah!"

Some Office Guy: (Always quick to get to the heart of the matter) "Who's paying?"

Monday, February 13, 2006

TMI

-----Original Message-----
From: CUBEMATE
Sent: Monday, February 13, 2006 9:52 AM
To: SOME OFFICE GUY
Subject:

SO CONVICT TOOK A PICTURE OF 'HIMSELF' WITH MY PHONE AND I LET PREGNANT FREIND AND DRUNK FREIND SEE IT. THEY WERE PRETTY IMPRESSED

Friday, February 10, 2006

Cheese can be funny

So, CUBEMATE is out again today. Why? I dunno. Sick? Drunk? Both? Frankly, I kind of hope it's the latter. Would be beneficial for the Monday posts.

In the meantime, something has occured during her absence that illustrates why I get along with MID-LEVEL CHEESE.

Returning from the coffee shop and a "closet cig" we call for the elevator and - when it arrives - hop aboard. (as people are apt to do) About that time comes FAT SLOB, huffing his way around the corner of the atrium.

FAT SLOB: "Whoa! Is that elevator going up?!?"

MID-LEVEL CHEESE: "Yes!" and waves him a cheerful goodbye as the doors close.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Things are looking up

CUBEMATE has been a little quiet recently. Whether this is due to workload or illness I am not really sure. However, judging by SOME OFFICE GUY's request just a few minutes ago to release him from his torment by delivering sweet, sweet death, I am guessing the post count will be picking up soon.

Stink Bathroom

No one can ever accuse me of being uninformed:

Cubemate: Some office guy, I puked.

Some Office Guy: Congratulations!

Cubemate: You know what made it easy? Having a stink bathroom!

Some Office Guy: ...

Cubemate: The girls bathroom, it is always stink. I think someone likes to shit a lot!Besides, taking all those pills was too much for me. I shouldn't take all those pills for sure when people stink.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Not much fun right now

The whole office is sick. Indeed, we here in the 7th level of Accounting Hell seem to be swapping infectious organisms like 5th graders with some new decks of playing cards.

SOME OFFICE GUY is convinces he has the Bird Flu , while my disease of choice seems to run to the more exotic Dengue Fever.

Even CUBEMATE has been unable to escape the onslaught, as evidenced by this less-than-enthusiastic response to what could have been a glorious outburst.

SUPERVISOR'S PET: "CUBEMATE, Are you cheap?"

CUBEMATE: "Mmmbrglmffpht"