Big Time Drama in the Adjoining Cubicle

Friday, March 31, 2006

Where'd it go?

SUPERVISOR'S PET: "CUBEMATE, how often do you clean out your mailbox?"

CUBEMATE: "Oh, once a week or so, unless it's something I need to save."

SP: "So, you don't keep anything you delete?"

SOME OFFICE GUY: "You know, that kind of defeats the purpose, doesn't it?"

Both SUPERVISOR'S PET and CUBEMATE: "Huh?..........................."

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Family is important

Some Office Guy: "CUBEMATE - I don't question why you would have a huge bed. I question why you would keep such a huge bed in your storage shed."

Me: "Cause that's where her mom sleeps!"

RANDOM OFFICE DRONE: "You make your mom sleep in a storage shed?"

CUBEMATE: "NOooOO! It is NOT a storage shed! It's more of a ........ a shack, really."

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Word Fail me Sometimes

SUPERVISOR'S PET: Hey, Cubemate, do you have any extra nuts?

CUBEMATE: Like pistachios, or peanuts? I might have some almonds.

SUPERVISOR'S PET: No, you know, like nuts. Those things that go on the back of screws.

CUBEMATE: Screws? What are you talking about, you pervert?

SUPERVISOR'S PET: I Need more Nuts for my desk.

CUBEMATE: Oh, if you need stuff for your desk call, what's his name, THE FURNITURE GUY.

SUPERVISOR'S PET; Furniture Guy? Huh? Hey, Some Office Guy, do you have any nuts?

SOME OFFICE GUY: What size?

SUPERVISOR'S PET: I don't know what sizes they come in.

SOME OFFICE GUY: I have a toolbox in my truck, let me see the bolt.

SUPERVISOR'S PET show's me a 1/4 bolt.

SOME OFFICE GUY: I don't have anything that would fit that here. Maybe at home.

SUPERVISORS PET: You left your nuts at home?

CUBEMATE: He's always leaving his nut at home.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Apparently that wasn't the answer she wanted

CUBEMATE: "OOG, you know those little stickers that go in your windshield?"

Me: "IM stickers? Yeah, what about them?"

CUBEMATE: "Well, I dunno, I guess they have something to do with the stickers on your plates?"

Me: "The tags - yes."

CUBEMATE: "NO! The stickers! Anyway, mine expire next week and I have no idea what to do about it!"

Me: "Just take it across the str.."

CUBEMATE: "AND I just found out I am supposed to have proof of insurance for my car! Nobody told me that!"

Me: "Wait. Let me get this straight. You have been driving for 10+ years and you still don't know about emmision tests, vehicle registrations, or Proof of Insurance?"

CUBEMATE: "Well, no, not really......."

Me: "What the f*ck are you doing on the road in the first place?"

Condition Orange

Well, it appears SOG has got the crud again as he is nowhere to be found, and as a result, CUBEMATE is keeping a low profile. No haunting calls of "SOG, I'm so HOOONGRY!", no footwear comments, no nuthin.

So, I take this opporunity to hijack the blog and warn y'all of the recent Global Terror Alert just issued yesterday.

Of course, given that we ARE living in the protective shadow of Dubya's quick and decisive administration, you will be happy to know that Operation Lunchbox is already under way to counteract this threat.

Stay safe.........

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Overheard in the Breakroom

Danger, Danger Wil Robsinson. No one warned me that using the breakroom would put me at risk of getting in the middle of the dreaded female shoe talk. Once I realized what was going on, I ran right out of there, but not before overhearing this snippet.

MID LEVEL CHEESE: Supervisor's Pet, what's going on? You are wearing shoes today???

SUPERVISOR'S PET: Yeah, I stubbed my toe on my husbands combat boots and I broke my nail and its real short and jagged, and my toe looks chubby, so that is like so not cute and I have to wear shoes until I am cute again.

MID LEVEL CHEESE: I just didn't think you owned anything but flip-flops.

SUPERVISORS PET: Oh, oh oh, I don't. That's good stuff. I had to borrow some.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Back in the Saddle

Cubemate is back. Most of the day has been spent talking about her explosive diarrhea (OMG, Some Office Guy, my ass was just, like exploding!), but in true Cubemate fashion she can’t stay focused on anyone topic for long. Now that her ass has stopped exploding, she is back in the saddle and looking for love.

-----Original Message-----
From: Cubemate
Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 12:25 PM
To: Some Office Guy
Subject:

SO SUPERVISOR’S PET’S HUSBAND HAS A FRIEND WHO LIKES ME. SHE HAS ASKED ME A FEW TIMES WHAT I THINK OF HIM AND THE ANSWER IS NO, HE IS TOTALLY NOT MY TYPE. HE IS OLDER WHICH I DON'T MIND AND MAKES A LOT OF MONEY WHICH I LOVE. THE PROBLEM IS HE IS UGLY AND STRAIGHT OUT OF THE COUNTRY. HE IS I THINK LATE 30'S OR 40 WITH NO KIDS AND NEVER BEEN MARRIED WHICH IS A GOOD THING BUT TOTALLY NOT MY TYPE. SHE IS ALL TRYING TO MAKE HIM SOUND GOOD. SHE IS ALL HE MAKES TONS OF MONEY AND IS PUTTING IT AWAY FOR HIS FUTURE BRIDE SO SHE CAN AVE THE HOUSE OF HER DREAMS. THEN SHE IS ALL HIS FAMILY IS VERY WEALTHY. I MET HIM TWICE AND I WOULD SAY HE WOULD BE FRIENDS WITH FORREST GUMP

Monday, March 20, 2006

Hiatus

Cubemate has been out of the office for a few days. This is your classic good news / bad news situation. The bad news is that without cubemate to keep us entertained, our lives are all dull and dreary, and the mid afternoon office suicide rate has skyrocketed.

The good news is that SUPERVISORS PET brought me breakfast of scrambled eggs with melted cheddar cheese, home fries, and bacon this morning. Apparently she meant to bring it for cubemate, and I was her second choice. Whatever. I'm just bitter there was no fresh squeezed orange juice.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Lunch Puking Update

"Some office Guy, guess what? I just threw up in the toilet. I was in there and I kept thinking about everyone and their bare ass sitting on the toilet, and it made me sick, so I threw up."

A ray of sunshine.

Apparently all that puking has done wonders for Cubemate's sunny disposition.

FYI - Its email, so start at the bottom and scroll up, just like you are trying for figure out what new torture your boss has in store for you when you get an email from him title "FWD: **URGENT**"

-----Original Message-----
From: CUBEMATE
Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 9:27 AM
To: SOME OFFICE GUY
Subject: RE:

I THINK MY MOOD IS FINE

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: SOME OFFICE GUY
Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 9:25 AM
To: CUBEMATE
Subject: RE:

You know its true love if he comes back to you after that.

I'm just glad you’re in such a good mood today. So many positive things to say about everyone! It's so unlike you!


-----Original Message-----
From: CUBEMATE
Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 9:21 AM
To: SOME OFFICE GUY
Subject: RE:

I'M JUST GLAD I DROPPED THE "N WORD" ON THE CONVICT. I'M PRETTY PROUD OF MYSELF.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: SOME OFFICE GUY
Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 9:20 AM
To: CUBEMATE
Subject: RE:

She didn't used to, but that was a long time ago.

-----Original Message-----
From: CUBEMATE
Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 9:20 AM
To: SOME OFFICE GUY
Subject: RE:

OR IT COULD BE SHE SPEAKS SO HIGHLY OF HERSELF TO HER DATES..............
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: SOME OFFICE GUY
Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 9:19 AM
To: CUBEMATE
Subject: RE:

I think its because her shoulders are too narrow.

-----Original Message-----
From: CUBEMATE
Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 9:18 AM
To: SOME OFFICE GUY
Subject: RE:

I would go with the second one. When I talk to her she speaks so highly of herself it's pathetic. I'm like if your all that and a bag of chips why don't you get asked out on a second date or even a first date

------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: SOME OFFICE GUY
Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 9:05 AM
To: CUBEMATE
Subject: RE:

She just overcompensating for the fact that she had to pretend she was stupid for the first 24 years of her life and be SOME OFFICE GUY’S BITCHY EX-FRIEND’S enormous shadow.

Or maybe she's just jealous because she still wants me 10 years later.


-----Original Message-----
From: CUBEMATE
Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 9:03 AM
To: SOME OFFICE GUY
Subject: RE:

I would love to do that. Also to BEANPOLE, I want to ask her why she thinks she is so high and mighty. She always talks about how good of a catch she is but hello you are 30 and single!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: SOME OFFICE GUY
Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 9:02 AM
To: CUBEMATE
Subject: RE:

I didn't notice it until you said something.

I dare you to stand up and yell "For the love of god, UNATTRACTIVE COWORKER, please stop that singing before I have to walk over there and kick your ass"


-----Original Message-----

From: CUBEMATE
Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 9:01 AM
To: SOME OFFICE GUY
Subject:

UNATTRACTIVE COWORKERS’ singing and humming is about to get on my last nerve

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

No updates today

Apparently everyone called in sick today. Not just one person - Everyone. I would leave as well if it weren't for the news that squirrel's are rising from the dead.

This is disturbing enough to keep me locked up in my somewhat squirrel-proof cubicle for now.

Monday, March 13, 2006

TMI, Cubemate, TMI.

Congratulations to Cubmate for strolling into work a half hour late this morning, and doing it with style!

Some Office Guy: Well, good morning, Cubemate!

Cubemate: Shut up. I've been puking all f**cking night.

Some Office Guy: Nice! And you've decided to come here and share it with us?

Cubemate: Yeah, MID LEVEL CHEESE said I can't miss work on a Monday or Friday any more.

Some Office Guy: Aha. So, are you finally pregnant?

Cubemate: No, I've been sh**ting all f**cking night too.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Its What's for Breakfast (II)

Cubemate: Some office Guy, there's food in the break room. The auditors are trying to bribe us again.

Some Office Guy: Nice.

Cubemate: They put out those little round sweet things with frosting.

Some Office Guy: Donuts?

Cubemate: No, these things (points at a donut)

Some Office Guy: Donuts.

Cubemate: Yeah, donuts. And those other round things.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Porn Shoes. Porn Shoes, Porn Shoes, Porn Shoes!

CUBEMATE: I want to spend my check on new shoes.

SUPERVISORS PET: You should go to The Look. They have cute shoes.

CUBEMATE: Actually, SUPERVISORS PET, I was a bunny a couple of years ago, so, like, I own porn shoes.

SUPERVISORS PET: White porn shoes or red porn shoes?

CUBEMATE: Late-Night-Cable-TV Porn Shoes.

The inner workings of high finance

CUBEMATE: "Maybe he heard what a sweetheart she is."

SOME OFFICE GUY: " Huh? I have no idea what you are talking about."

CUBEMATE: "OFFICE TROLL said the window guy never showed up at her house. Weren't you listening or am I the only one who is eavesdropping?"

SOG: "You are the only one eavesdropping. But I don't know why the window guy wouldn't show up at OFFICE TROLL'S house and be a peeping tom."

CUBEMATE: "Peeping Tom on OFFICE TROLL? That's just sick."

SOG: "Ok, fine. Snakes on a plane."

CUBEMATE: "That's a lot of woman if you ask me."

SOG: "I'll buy you lunch if you shoot rubber bands at her over the cubicle wall."