Big Time Drama in the Adjoining Cubicle

Thursday, April 27, 2006

In love with a stripper?

CUBEMATE: "I'm in love with a stripper."

Some Office Guy: (Ears perking up in search of comedy gold) "Eh? What?"

CUBEMATE: "I'm in love with a stripper! That's the name of this song - I'm in love with a stripper."

SOG (Disappointed): "Oh."

CUBEMATE: "Are you in love with a stripper, SOG?"

SOG: "Not for at least a week now...................."

Lunch Time

"Hey, Some Office Guy, look at me!"

"What?"

"Turn around and look at me!"

I turn around and THUMP. I can't actually see Cubemate because she just threw a egg mcmuffin at me and hit me right in the face. Who knew she had such good aim?

"That was my breakfast but I don't want it. You can eat it if you want. Its cold and probably tastes nasty."

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Happy Birthday, Sunshine!

Today is Cubemate's 27th birthday. All day long I've been waiting for some sort of amazing birthday story to post, but she's been a little on the evil side today--muttering a lot and hanging up on people. She didn't even buy me lunch, which is so, sooo wrong (what are birthday's for if not sharing with your friends?)

She's been so quiet today that I was afraid I wasn't going to overhear a single word worth posting on her birthday, but at 1:09 this afternoon, cubemate finally came through:

"F*ck it. You know what? I'm just going to hang a poster on the side of my cubicle announcing exactly when my menstrual cycle is. It's not like you guys don't already know anyway."

Happy birthday, Cubemate!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Not gonna happen

CUBEMATE: "Hey, Ex-CoWorker! Did you wish SOME OFFICE GUY a Happy Birthday?"

EX COWORKER: "No, I didn't know it was his birthday."

CUBEMATE: "Yep! He wants us all to get together and spank him later!"

ECW: "Um..........."

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

A disturbing new twist

CUBEMATE: "You know, Some Office Guy, you really can't keep leaving your desk like that. I expect my secretary to be HERE when I need them."

SOG: "Ummmmm, Ok. Should I start shaving my legs too?"

CUBEMATE: "Yes. My secretary should be well groomed."

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

New skill set revealed

SOG has returned from his weekly expedition to the dentist heavily doped up with only the finest nerve-deadening agents. Which is what prompted the latest CUBEMATE goodness:

CUBEMATE: "Some Office Guy! Aren't you going to eat anything today?"

SOG: "Maybe later, when the numbness wears off."

CUBEMATE: "What about some chicken broth? Chicken broth is good!"

SOG: "I wouldn't be able to hold it in my mouth! You gonna buy me a new shirt?"

CUBEMATE: "No, but I might wash that one for you."

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Generosity (Fashion Statement Part II)

CUBEMATE: "SOME OFFICE GUY, I am buying you a man-purse for your birthday."

SOG: (Hisses his gratitude through clenched teeth)

CUBEMATE: "You need to buy your own capri's, though....."

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Fashion Statement

CUBEMATE: "SOME OFFICE GUY, I think you should start wearing a man-purse."

SOG: "Um.......What?"

CUBEMATE: "I'm serious! I saw Robert Downey Jr. on TV the other day. He was wearing a man-purse and Capri's. I think you need to start as well."

SOG: "Why don't I carry something a little more manly? Say, an axe? Yeah, I could just carry an axe around."

CUBEMATE: "Man-purse. Definitely a man-purse. Think about it."

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Dear John

LESBIAN TEMP used to work in our building, before she got hired full time and moved to another location a few months ago. I haven't talked to her since then, but today, I get this email.
Either LESBIAN TEMP wasn't the lesbian I thought she was, or I did something REALLLY UNFORTUNATE, which I have conveniently blocked from my memory (for all time, hopefully).

From: LESBIAN (?) TEMP
Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 9:22 AM
To: SOME OFFICE GUY
Subject: Over


SOME OFFICE GUY,

Hi. Since I haven't heard from you I decided to be the one with the guts to write the dear John letter. It's over buddy! But, do you really want it to end like this without a lap dance?

LESBIAN (?) TEMP
Treasury Clerk I
XXX-XXXX


Monday, April 10, 2006

A sacred institution


CUBEMATE: "Some Office Guy, Look at this!"

SOME OFFICE GUY: "That is NOT a real rabbit."

CUBEMATE: "Oh yes it is! They showed it on TV! It was getting married!"

SOG: "Some guy married a rabbit?"

CUBEMATE: "NO! The rabbit got married to another rabbit! On TV!"

SUPERVISORS PET: "Did they write thier own vows?"

(update: Added a photo of the rabbit in question)