Big Time Drama in the Adjoining Cubicle

Friday, June 30, 2006

Deep Thoughts by Cubemate

"Some Office Guy, did you know I am, like, the only person who can puke and shit for a week and not lose a pound?"

Thursday, June 29, 2006

On Lawn Mowing

Sometimes I think I work in the twilight zone

6TH FLOOR COWORKER: Hey, Some Office Guy, were you the one who said you would sell me his lawnmower?

SOME OFFICE GUY: Uh, No.

CUBEMATE: Come on, didn't you say you have an extra lawnmower you can give her, or something?

SOG: Um, No.

6TH FLOOR COWORKER: So you are not selling?

SOG: My Lawnmower?

6TH FLOOR: Yes

SOG: No

6TH FLOOR: Then how am I going to mow my lawn????

Friday, June 23, 2006

Lunchtime Conversation

"OMG, Some Office Guy, SENIOR ACCOUNTANT just farted in front of me. I didn't really like that. People shouldn't be doing their farting inthe office, you know? So I looked at her and said 'You know, SENIOR ACCOUNTANT, I don't think I am really comfortable enough with you yet to be sharing your farts."

Follow Up

2 minutes later: "I hate stupid people that don't have to pee."

Spontaneous announcement

In true CUBEMATE fashion, during the low murmur of incredibly important work being done in the cubicle farm, comes the announcement we have been waiting for:

CUBEMATE: "OMG, Some Office Guy! I need to pee again!"

SOG: (nervous chuckle)

CUBMATE: "I am SERIOUS! I drank like two cups of coffee this morning! Now I am gonna be p*ssing all day......"

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Do not feed the animals.


Amazing the signage you see around the cubicle farm when you and your crappy camera phone go a'wandering.

Here's to You, Miss Food Re-gifter.

BurgerSome Office Guy: Cubemate, in honor of all your hard work and dedication in bringing lunch for Other Office Guy and Myself, I want to present you with this lunch, a half eaten, soggy cheeseburger from The LongBranch.

Cubemate: ...

Some Office Guy: Here's to you, Ms. Half Eaten Cheeseburger Giver.

Cubemate: But, but, but.. I brought a burrito.

Some Office Guy: After all the hell you give me about never bringing lunch for you, I can't believe you aren't going to enjoy that tasty burger.

Cubemate: No, I'm going to enjoy it allright.... Oh, hey, TREASURY CLERK, do you want this half eaten burger?

Cubemate on Hook Ups

CUBEMATE: Some Office Guy, if you like short girls, I know this girl who is getting divorced. She is really short, like 4 foot 6.

SOME OFFICE GUY: That's fantastic. Hook me up.

CUBEMATE: She's really ugly though--and kind of mean.

And then, seconds later, this email:

-----Original Message-----
From: CUBEMATE
Sent: Thursday, June 22, 2006 9:37 AM
To: SOME OFFICE GUY
Subject:

She is not attractive on the face and has three kids but she is getting a divorce so she will be down for someone to be her rebound guy

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Cubemate on Responsibility

CUBEMATE: "I hope PROLIFIC FRIEND gets fixed."

SOME OFFICE GUY: "Huh? Whaa?"

CUBEMATE: "My friend with all the kids. She needs to get herself fixed."

SOG: "Isn't she pregnant right now?"

CUBEMATE: "Yes, and she already has too many! People shouldn't be allowed to have too many kids!"

SOG: "Do they have a spay and neuter program for friends and family now?"

Dear Boss...

Yes, it's email. Start from the bottom and read up, just like its a convoluted request from your boss.


-----Original Message-----
From: CUBEMATE
Sent: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 12:08 PM
To: MID LEVEL CHEESE; SUPERVISOR’S PET
Subject: RE: Virus alert, Some people already have this one


He is the VP Jack Daniels... DUH

-----Original Message-----
From: MID LEVEL CHEESE
Sent: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 12:07 PM
To: CUBEMATE; SUPERVISOR’S PET
Subject: RE: Virus alert, Some people already have this one

NOT! I see they don't have anything for Whiskey

Thank you,
MID LEVEL CHEESE


-----Original Message-----
From: CUBEMATE
Sent: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 12:07 PM
To: MID LEVEL CHEESE; SUPERVISOR’S PET
Subject: RE: Virus alert, Some people already have this one

I'm sure the Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor would work very fine

I think I should do an experiment:-)

-----Original Message-----
From: MID LEVEL CHEESE
Sent: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 12:06 PM
To: CUBEMATE; SUPERVISOR’S PET
Subject: RE: Virus alert, Some people already have this one

Nice try - but don't even think of trying it.

Thank you,
MID LEVEL CHEESE



-----Original Message-----
From: CUBEMATE
Sent: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 12:04 PM
To: SUPERVISOR’S PET; MID LEVEL CHEESE; AMAZON AP CLERK; CUBEMATE’S OBESE FRIEND; ELEVATOR STALKER; RANDOM EMAIL RECIPIENT 1; RANDOM EMAIL RECIPIENT 2
Subject: FW: Virus alert, Some people already have this one


There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).
If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest bar. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Eliminator-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

No Man Can Eat 50 Eggs

CUBEMATE: Some office guy, I bought 96 slices of cheese last night!

SOME OFFICE GUY: Congratulations.

CUBEMATE: Do you think I can make MY COUSIN'S KIDS eat 96 pieces of cheese?

SOME OFFICE GUY: In one sitting?

CUBEMATE: Would that make them constipated?

Friday, June 16, 2006

Cubmate on Public Displays of Affection

CUBEMATE: I am so sick of married people kissing in the elevator!

SOME OFFICE GUY: Is this, like, a common problem?

CUBEMATE: Oh my God, yes! Every day I see different married people kissing in the elevator and it is making me ill.

SOME OFFICE GUY: My freind FEMALE JIM is getting married. Do you want me to have her for kiss for you?

CUBEMATE: I don't know Is she hot?


Congratulations, FEMALE JIM, on your engagement. If you're looking for a cheap honeymoon, our elevators are always open.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Cubemate on WTF

CUBEMATE: 428 plus 428 equals.. No. Wait, 428 plus 475 equals... Wait, no this isn't adding up. What am I smoking today?

LESBIAN TEMP: Smells like pickles...

CUBEMATE: I know, right. But I've never smoked pickles.

Cubemate on Relationships (Again)

SOME OFFICE GUY, you should get a mail order bride. So you don't end up with a dwarf kid, you know?

Monday, June 12, 2006

Cubemate on Relationships

Halfway through her lunch, Cubemate stands up, turns around and says
You know, I've been thinking, you guys, and I've decided that my life would be so much easier if I was into women, and not men. No, don't laught at me, women are so much less complicated, and they probably won't try to sleep with my roomate, either...

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Cubemate's medical advice

CUBEMATE: "Some Office Guy, you need to get busy on making a baby RIGHT AWAY!"

SOG: (quizzical grunting noise)

CUBEMATE: "See, it says right HERE that the older a man gets the greater a chance that he will be sterile, and worse, his kids will have dwarfism!"

SOG: *Laughing*

UNNATRACTIVE OFFICE DRONE: *Laughing*

OTHER OFFICE GUY: *Laughing*

BOSS WOMAN: *Laughing*

CUBEMATE: "No! It's TRUE!! You don't want SOME DWARF OFFICE GUY running around, do you? DO YOU?"

Monday, June 05, 2006

Cubemate on Punctuality

BOSS: "Wow, CUBEMATE! You were actually on time this morning! Are you under the weather or something?"

CUBEMATE: "No, I have a pimple!"

Friday, June 02, 2006

Cubemate on Nutrition

CUBEMATE: (from out of nowhere) "So, SOME OFFICE GUY, have you eaten any babies lately?"

********** stunned silence **********

SOG: "What? What kind of question is that?!?"

CUBEMATE: "I was just wondering if you had eaten any babies lately, that's all."


(apparently the weekend started a little early for her)

Cubemate on Car Dealers

CUBEMATE: Some Office Guy, I was talking to someone earlier about Cal Worthington. Did you know that in real life he doesn't look like he does on the commercials?

SOME OFFICE GUY: Yeah, that was me. You were talking to me. He looks like a corpse on a stick.

CUBEMATE: I guess he looks all old and hunched over and ugly, and always has a young slutty girl on his arm.

SOME OFFICE GUY: This is like deja vu.

CUBEMATE: What, being with a young slutty girl?

CUBEMATE on Organizing

CUBEMATE: "So, I got to see twin babies last night. You could tell they were brother and sister because one was blue and one was pink....."